Category Archives: Gentle Sarcasm

Morning at the Park, Night Out with Kids

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My middle daughter decided she would get up at 6 (maybe 6:30 – it was early) this morning. She demanded milk, then demanded it in a sippy cup (and wouldn’t stop crying until I made sure it was a real sippy cup).

After taking care of baby and watching for the passage of time, the older girls and I decided to head to the park. It was 8:30, and I figured that Mom & baby could sleep while we were out & about.

Turns out I have the loudest kid in the neighborhood. No surprise since she has the loudest dad at the library. Never mind that people are still sleeping – it’s appropriate to scream and yell as loud as you can so that everyone living in the immediate vicinity knows exactly how much fun you’re having.

We met some friends there, too. No parent or step-parent around… they were there, 8 and 4, all by themselves at the park. The 4-year-old kept asking me to pick her up so she could play on the monkey bars, but that had lawsuits written all over it, so I politely declined.

This evening I had a children’s entertainment gig. I knew my oldest wanted to come, and it was the type of event where she was able to come with me, but it threw me for a loop when my middle daughter threw on some clothes and shoes and headed for the van. Her cries of, “Daddy! Wait for me!” compelled me not to pull out from our parking spot before she reached her car seat.

Tonight went terrific. My girls had a good time, and other girls who were present enjoyed themselves as well. Lots of laughter, lots of mayhem.

Tomorrow is more of the same, but twice the fun. After that, it’s off to lunch with grandma before she heads back and we’re down to the 5 of us (for the first time since baby arrived). Ta for now, everyone. Enjoy your evening.
photo credit: epSos.de via photopin cc

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Adventures in eating, doctors and insurance – oh my!

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4 times. 4 fingers. I can count on one hand the number of times our family has eaten out in the past 12 days. It’s safe to say that our family hasn’t eaten out this much in… well, ever!

Call me stingy (stingy!), call me thrifty (stingy!), but I believe that we should be saving our money for important things. Things like a new computer (you call that important?!) or hooking up the barbeque (now you’re just being selfish) or a fantastic treatment package from Merle Norman for my wife (oh, honey! I love you!)… probably not the last one, though (hey!).

In the past twelve days we’ve covered a gamut of eating experiences from Mickie D’s to a mongolian grill to fish & chips to thai & sushi. My wallet has never felt so light, my credit card so laden with debt.

This morning we’re going for the twelfth day check-up for our newborn. Fun and games, ladies and gents, fun and games. I’m looking forward to it so much I think I’ll take an extra chewable vitamin just for good measure.

I received word from our insurance agent yesterday that our new addition will be added to our existing coverage / policy / somethingorother on Tuesday… 15 days after being born. Does that strike anyone else as odd? I realize that I haven’t died yet and therefore can’t figure out how the whole insurance game works, but it seems to me that you’d want to have existing insurance coverage from day one. Oh, how wonderful it is to be me.

Well, it’s a good morning. Baby is eating, my wife is getting dressed, my middle child is teaching MarioKart who’s boss and my mother is blowdrying her hair 4 feet away from me. Call me old-fashioned (sting… sorry… old-fashioned!), but I’m just not used to having this many people in the house. Could it be a sign that we need a bigger place? (no, it’s just a sign that you need to upgrade the plug by the bathroom sink, Mr. S)

Well, here’s to your Friday, everyone. Enjoy!

Andrew photo credit: drurydrama (Len Radin) via photopin cc

I don’t want to…

My oldest daughter, 5, has decided that she doesn’t want things anymore.

I should be thrilled. “She doesn’t want things?” I should cry from the rooftops (with safe, functioning balconies), “listen everyone! I have a daughter who doesn’t want things!”

Included in the short list of things my daughter doesn’t want are: breakfast, lunch, dinner, to go to the bathroom and to go to bed. Aside from her “furious five”, she’s golden.

So I wonder, being a wondering man who certainly takes plenty of time making and deciding upon decisions, should I be supportive of my daughter and her pursuit of not wanting, nay, requiring basics like food, toilets and sleep, or should I choose to be that “overbearing” parent who thinks of these things as daily necessities and uphold their sacredness?

I humbly invite you to let me know what you think, bloggers. If not you, then whom?

Less than 9 hours to go…

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Well, folks, we’re coming down to the wire. After much waiting, we finally got the call… the call that changes lives.

It wasn’t a great call, really. Sure, we know when to come to the hospital so they can do the procedure, but who really wants to check into the hospital at 6:15 in the morning?

It’s not like we’re taking a flight to Australia here (love the accent, btw). There’s no baggage check, no double-booking Caesareans with the same doctor in case one of the mothers decides to take a later surgery… so why the heck do we need to be there just after six?

Few people get up at six. The grocery store doesn’t open until eight. The pharmacy doesn’t open ’til nine. Even the garbage truck operator who lives across the way gets to sleep in.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I like my shut-eye to last ’til 7 or 7:30. Maybe I’m pre-cranky because I know no one will be getting much sleep in this house for the next 18 years (if we’re lucky).

I tell ya, there’s no bottle of warm milk big enough to cure my attitude about needing to get to the hospital so early, so hospital staff, obstetricians, everyone – thank you in advance for the kind, gentle manner in which you’ll treat my loving wife of eight years. Thank you in advance for the excellent job you’ll do. Please return her and our baby safe and sound to me after you’re finished. God bless.

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The family’s here! Hooray!

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Having family around is great! It’s wonderful! And in three to four days, when I’ve had enough of them, I’ll be the first to say so!

As a man who has been living away from parents and in-laws for the better part of three years, I can tell you that there are pros and cons to the arrangement, such as the following:

Pros: Stress-free living (mostly stress-free), sense of independence, ability to not visit someone’s place every other day

Cons: Stressful living (mostly from advice and back-seat driving), loss of purpose (feeling like someone’s minion), inability to raid someone else’s fridge for the groceries you actually want to purchase

Usually our daily activity consists of work, school, household stuff, outings and phone calls to / from family. When our family’s in town, we go out on dates (no, I’m not a horrible person, though I did just ask my wife and she told me that we don’t have enough “us” time), we eat healthy food and they buy us things.

When they’re not here, we get by. Life is great, but not as interesting when they’re involved in it.

Baby #3 arrives on Monday, and it’s going to be great to know that I can spend more time with my wife and our new child in the hospital while our children are getting the best treatment possible.

Anyone else have similar stories / experiences? Hit me back!

photo credit: x-ray delta one via photopin cc

T-minus one week!

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It’s official – just over seven days to go! Seven days and a new he/she enters the world. A new he/she to love, clothe and put through post-doctorate studies (if I’m lucky) or to live in our basement until his/her thirtieth birthday (if I’m not).

I don’t think we’ve packed a bag. Everyone tells you to pack a bag. The movies – they show people packing a bag. Why? Because if you forget the bag or have to go back inside your house to retrieve it, you will have the baby in the car. Bags are important – the are car-birth prevention tools.

Most people bring smart phones, camcorders or digital cameras to record the birth and first moments. I’m doing them one better – I’m bringing in a speed painter. It’s the new “Kodak moment”, so take that, you 15-megapixel showoffs!

Also, because my lovely wife won’t be able to eat solid foods for a few days, I’ve invited the good folks over at Will It Blend? to help me bring her a smooth dining experience during our stay (they seem, however, to be more interested in dismantling the hospital bed frame and putting that through their blending test).

Cheers and enjoy your Monday, everyone.

photo credit: NASA’s Marshall Space Flight Center via photopin cc

I Dream Of The Rug Doctor

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Yes, every night in my dreams I think about the rug doctor and how much cleaner the house would look after using one.

I think about how much fun it is to clean my house and to spend precious time… sweet, precious time… doing something I love, like pouring hot, fragrant water all over the floor.

I think about that waste water container (yes, the white one) and how dirty and grey it looks after I’ve finished sucking the dirt and debris out of the floor. How much joy and pleasure it gives me to remove it and watch it disappear into the bowels of the toilet. How I love cleaning the toilet after I’ve cleaned the carpet.

I don’t think about the latest sports game on tv, rowdy nights with friends watching MMA or the Winnipeg Jets… no, sir. I dream and fantasize only about cleaning carpets, because when my wife is happy, I’m usually still alive and in one piece.

photo credit: Dan_H via photopin cc